Poor Poor Pitiful Me

I've been studying my ass off for this insurance exam. I'm not even sure if it's going to place me in a job that I'll like or love or want... but I have hope. Today I was really sad that Sarawr and Tyler aren't here. I was thinking about all my relationships and who I'm close to and there aren't many people that I can tell everything. It's not even that I want someone to necessarily tell "everything" as much as I want someone here who understands everything without me explaining my reasoning. No one wants to justify things all the time. Sometimes I just want to say something and have the person be like, "yeah, I know, I get it."
And that person is gone.
There aren't many people that understand my humor, or charm (which I think I have), my quirks, my habits, my loves and hates... but Sarawr knows. So I was sad today. Mostly I was sad because I think there are few people in the world that you can truly be close to that won't judge you, turn on you, put all their trust you... you know--just love me for me.

And then I got sad that I can't be here...
kicking my feet up at Mary and John's... enjoying my room by the pool with a nice bloodymary and some pot (which is all I do on my vacations there) but still, the water is lovely.
The eucalyptus trees are so lush and the smell seems to follow me all the way to the plane and then I board... and it leaves me.
and then I thought about being in my old neighborhood...enjoying a freshly pressed orange juice, reading The Onion, watching passersby and laughing all the while Charlie tells me some new story about God knows what... but its hilarious because we're enjoying ourselves.

And then I thought about this guy...

And then Amos Lee started to play on my Pandora and I now am realizing I need to go to bed.

I'm okay with being in Omaha. I like it here and there are plenty of loving, wonderful people around. One important person being Jersh. I hope my opportunities here are worth the trouble and the heartache of missing my San Francisco and my friends that are so dear and so far.

I guess this is what happens as you grow up... people leave, seasons come and go, and you hope that, even though people stop calling and stop talking, they still know you love them.