Oh the things the world has to teach me.

If only B.R. Cohn (Silver Cabernet) was filling a cellar under my house! I'd be so happy everyday when I got home from work to feel the dampness of the cellar, the dripping of the wine, and the sweet smell of swelling oak barrels. But alas! I live in the dead of the United States. Teaching preschool has been a rough past few weeks. I feel so ungrateful because I have been crying about not getting the job I "wanted." Even though I have no idea what that ideal "job" was. I thought, I want to write or edit or work for something towards furthering the education I started! Writing! Reading! English! In reality those jobs would pay much less than I make teaching. So, that would be much much less! ha-ha.

I don't know what I thought or expected, but I figured this was not it. Now way! Last week I almost walked out on the first job that I had found in four months! I was feelin' crazy angry at the world!

When I stepped back this morning to think about my thoughts and actions, I realized that I decided to stay here to be with the love of my life and that makes me angry with myself for complaining these past few days about my job, my pay, my expectations about what was after college.
A little gratefulness for having a job could go a long way!

I'm sure so many people feel this way and a lot of my friends have as of late. What do you know, I failed to listen to them. Now I understand! I give! A job is a job and just that. It's not always fun, it's not always going to be the source of my happiness, I am.

The sun started to Stay out more the past 2 days and I have been feeling so much better. I'm tired of being sad about what I don't have. I want to focus on what I do have, which is an amazing man in my life who loves me unconditionally and has supported me the past year in my random and sometimes amiss endeavors. I am so grateful for him and for his openness, kind heart, and warming love. My goal now is to be happy on my own each day... find something that made me smile and write it down in my journal. Four and five year old's aren't too bad. There are many things I love about them.