Come on, Come out, The Weather is Kinda' Warm

The leaves are falling. I have been so sad watching all the students trudging through the cold mornings (okay, I don't ever see the morning...) none the less, trudging through the leaves- in the mid-morning- chatting, and walking to class. Hmph. I was quite disappointed yesterday that I didn't at least take one class. Just one! Then I have to read your blog, Sarawr, and be really sad! However, there are new and exciting things going on. Ian's car (previously known as Mercedes) has blown a gasket, literally. Smoke was going up in the air and the whole bit. Poor girl. It has been an interesting past four days getting phone calls of where to get him and when. This morning at 6a.m. I was especially excited to wake up and take him to Aksarben. (Why doesn't the dictionary recognize this word?) Hopefully today Mercedes will be on her way to making the highways of Omaha a better place. What with her smooth curves and compelling exhaust, you can't miss her on the freeway. Ahh... here she is in her glory days:

What she wouldn't give to look and feel like this again:


Cruisin' with the top down in Arizona, seems pretty alright.

In other news... my brosef-in-law has moved to CA. Chas and Aves to follow. We'll see how it all pans out. Wishing for the best and hoping for the least complications. Oh, and Chas is pregnant... so that's new as well. We had the last fire-pit-party at the VonArkright's last Friday night. It was fun. Josh and I took first in Polish Horseshoes, until we got beat down. Still, my tenacious defense won us a few rounds and a few hoots and hollers from the peanut gallery. The gallery being none other than the famous Oliver VonArkright who decided to shat right in the middle of the lawn. I guess he needed some attention. Ha! Oh what a night.

I'm still studying for my insurance exams. That is going splendid (as you can see me buying more time by writing this long post). That should be my cue.

To all those who read this! (Sarawr) lerve!

Thank you-

Poor Poor Pitiful Me

I've been studying my ass off for this insurance exam. I'm not even sure if it's going to place me in a job that I'll like or love or want... but I have hope. Today I was really sad that Sarawr and Tyler aren't here. I was thinking about all my relationships and who I'm close to and there aren't many people that I can tell everything. It's not even that I want someone to necessarily tell "everything" as much as I want someone here who understands everything without me explaining my reasoning. No one wants to justify things all the time. Sometimes I just want to say something and have the person be like, "yeah, I know, I get it."
And that person is gone.
There aren't many people that understand my humor, or charm (which I think I have), my quirks, my habits, my loves and hates... but Sarawr knows. So I was sad today. Mostly I was sad because I think there are few people in the world that you can truly be close to that won't judge you, turn on you, put all their trust you... you know--just love me for me.

And then I got sad that I can't be here...
kicking my feet up at Mary and John's... enjoying my room by the pool with a nice bloodymary and some pot (which is all I do on my vacations there) but still, the water is lovely.
The eucalyptus trees are so lush and the smell seems to follow me all the way to the plane and then I board... and it leaves me.
and then I thought about being in my old neighborhood...enjoying a freshly pressed orange juice, reading The Onion, watching passersby and laughing all the while Charlie tells me some new story about God knows what... but its hilarious because we're enjoying ourselves.

And then I thought about this guy...

And then Amos Lee started to play on my Pandora and I now am realizing I need to go to bed.

I'm okay with being in Omaha. I like it here and there are plenty of loving, wonderful people around. One important person being Jersh. I hope my opportunities here are worth the trouble and the heartache of missing my San Francisco and my friends that are so dear and so far.

I guess this is what happens as you grow up... people leave, seasons come and go, and you hope that, even though people stop calling and stop talking, they still know you love them.

Cinnamon Girl

My trip to Washington D.C. was amazing. Josh and I tried some great wine from the
area, we ate at Open City, a little Italian place in Georgetown, an Italian place by the Omni Shore
hotel, and more! We saw the white house where the grass is dead and the trees are awkward. Everyone seemed much more interested in the executive building next door that had sky high rafters and was being remodeled. Three times the size of the white house, it was much more appealing. We also ended up going to an Irish Pub across from the hotel. I can't remember the name, but we met this guy who was there for the weekend to fill our needing ears with some amazing music. He played Neil Young, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and pretty much all our favorites. I couldn't get enough of Cinnamon Girl! For some reason I loved that song even more when it was a guy tryin' real hard to win over a tough Irish crowd. We went back the second night and proceeded to get pissed only to have the whole bar dancing by the end of the night. It was magic! We had so much fun together in the last four days that I felt like I was falling in love all over again. Yeah, yeah, it sounds lame. But it was truly more fun than our Mexico trip. We hung out at the pool and drank smoothies, went for walks through the neighborhood, ate croques in the morning while hung over, and laid in bed for hours watching movies and ... such.

All my besties

I've been attempting to find peace within myself. That seems funny to write. But I feel the past few months I have been amiss from myself. Perhaps this is due to the stress of finding a new job and feeling that my five years of struggle and debt were worth something. BUT! I have already written with a heavy hand on this blog about that shizzznit. Therefore, I will write about the beautiful Colorado. I love coming here. I think when you grow up without mountains they tend to fill you with a certain "Ahhhhhh." It's nice to breathe in air that is crisp and drink water from the fountain that tastes like it came straight from the mountains. (cuz it did). I cannot get enough water when I come here. It's crazy because water from Omaha tastes like metal and chlorine. You don't notice it until you have a sip of something spectacular! I made a delicious lasagna a few nights ago for Josh's family. I used real ricotta. Oh, God. It was delish-

Well, I'm off to bed.
I'm missing Sarah like crazy.
I need to pull it together.

For the living

My week in SF was amazing. The weather, the wine, the shopping! Oh, the shopping. My heart yearns to be there yet many things I love are in the middle of the country. How do you know where your home is? Rahmin and I talked all night about the ideology of home being a comforting feeling perhaps in a relationship there is a sense of "home." Ideally, the more comfortable and welcoming our relationship, the more the love, the more we have a sense of home and commitment to that one person in our lives or to many people in our lives for different reasons. If I'm in love with my relationship here and in love with the idea of living in SF, how do I choose? Many of my married or coupled friends say its about compromise not about right or wrong. Compromise is shitty. Life is compromise, but out of compromise can't we renew our lives and our thoughts and find a life anew? Why not turn compromise into a new situation for the living, for the life we are breathing? Why does it have to be about this or that, choose one, or do not. Perhaps instead I will try and live and breathe and if I make decisions that end up not being the best or what I expected then can't I go back? But the going back may be different. Situations may change. People will definitely change. So the ultimate question is, how do we simply choose to live?

I'm going to do without the worry for now. Let life flow in and out of my being and simply feel content. The right decisions will come my way.

If only I knew how to be a committed writer

Isn't it the funniest thing that many writers. Especially those I went to school with to "become" writers, have the toughest time sitting down and writing. It's like a prerequisite to joining the world of writers. You must first, be good at procrastinating, and second, finish things right at the deadline-not a minute before. If you have deadlines, that is. Which I don't.

I am onto my painting for the day. I have to paint during the weekend as I have been incredibly exhausted the past few days but oh-well. The work must get done. I think I'm feeling some Colin Hay Pandora... or maybe some Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Oh the things the world has to teach me.

If only B.R. Cohn (Silver Cabernet) was filling a cellar under my house! I'd be so happy everyday when I got home from work to feel the dampness of the cellar, the dripping of the wine, and the sweet smell of swelling oak barrels. But alas! I live in the dead of the United States. Teaching preschool has been a rough past few weeks. I feel so ungrateful because I have been crying about not getting the job I "wanted." Even though I have no idea what that ideal "job" was. I thought, I want to write or edit or work for something towards furthering the education I started! Writing! Reading! English! In reality those jobs would pay much less than I make teaching. So, that would be much much less! ha-ha.

I don't know what I thought or expected, but I figured this was not it. Now way! Last week I almost walked out on the first job that I had found in four months! I was feelin' crazy angry at the world!

When I stepped back this morning to think about my thoughts and actions, I realized that I decided to stay here to be with the love of my life and that makes me angry with myself for complaining these past few days about my job, my pay, my expectations about what was after college.
A little gratefulness for having a job could go a long way!

I'm sure so many people feel this way and a lot of my friends have as of late. What do you know, I failed to listen to them. Now I understand! I give! A job is a job and just that. It's not always fun, it's not always going to be the source of my happiness, I am.

The sun started to Stay out more the past 2 days and I have been feeling so much better. I'm tired of being sad about what I don't have. I want to focus on what I do have, which is an amazing man in my life who loves me unconditionally and has supported me the past year in my random and sometimes amiss endeavors. I am so grateful for him and for his openness, kind heart, and warming love. My goal now is to be happy on my own each day... find something that made me smile and write it down in my journal. Four and five year old's aren't too bad. There are many things I love about them.

Focaccia

Last night I made homemade tomato and basil pizza with
homemade focaccia and picked up a new wine from Spain that I found
on sale. It was delicious. I paired the warm focaccia with
a lovely extra virgin olive oil and balsamic reduction for dipping.
I love cooking for my baby. MMMmm

Get Your Kicks at Brix?

Brix Review

There is a new 'Coporate' in Omaha, Brix. Their website, www.brixomaha.com says,
"Shop our retail store where you'll find extraordinary selections." Now, this would
be true if I had went there and found an "extraordinary selection." But I did not.
They offer half the amount of beers that you may find at beertopia, and their selection
of wines are simply not as vast as a large Hy-Vee or Baker's.

What I did find was a new space in Omaha, one that is attempting to wow the money
makers of Western Omaha with their simplistic modern look.
I do think that Western Omaha has been in need of a wine shop/cellar. However, I don't think this was the most appropriate choice. Easy, yes, appropriate and personal, no.
In order to say they have an extraordinary selection, they had to really wow me. Instead, when I walked in, the first items I saw were no better or worse than what you may find at the extensive selection of the Hy-Vee on 51st and West Center Rd.
This isn't to say the store didn't have its "ups."

The feel was very open and airy. When you walk in there are
carts available, more like an Applejacks of Colorado. They do offer a lot if you
are looking to host a party of some sort. They have a cheese section, liquor, beer,
and wine. I stood for about five minutes looking for a Goat cheese until
I finally had to ask an employee to point out the sections of cheese because the labels
were lost among the assortments.

I, personally, prefer to spend my time at Dundee's Cork & Bottle, Wine121, or
the CorkScrew.
While I love wine, beer, food, and cheese, I mostly enjoy something that is warm, personal,
intimate, and raw. If I want something corporate with a selection, I will simply run to Hy-Vee whereI know my prices are very competitive.